i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
