Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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