your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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