Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
