last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
