sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
