just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
