just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
