the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
