he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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