Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
