Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
