we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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