I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your cock deserves a montage
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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