We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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