how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
40s are totally the cure
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
is that a dick in a sweater?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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