What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
