Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she woke up with a sticky ear
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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