When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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