I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
