forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
