i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
