Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
