Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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