Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
