He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
