can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
