Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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