ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
