the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
