Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
