Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
