id be glad to
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
