Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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