Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
