I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
