can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
