I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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