New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
