I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
