drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think my moral compass just broke
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
