It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
