you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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