So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
