Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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