I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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