Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
