I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
