currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's great music for shaving your balls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You made out with two different species that night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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