maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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