i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
