At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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