I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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