I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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