Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
