If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize