he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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