We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never underestimate the power of titties
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
