Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
