can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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