you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
