I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
