what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
