I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
