Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
