1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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