i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We left an ass print on the piano.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
