girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
