i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
