just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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