About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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