I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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