I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
