I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
